Import-A-Gay

“I would move to New York for you. Would you move to Honolulu for me?” asked my handsome date. I took one bite of burrito and stared longingly at his mesmerizing hazel eyes. “Absolutely not,” I replied.

“Oh,” he answered. I shrugged my shoulders and nonchalantly noshed on my Mexican feast. “Oy, this guy is handsome, tall, and quirky, but shit, I can’t get a good bagel in Hawaii. Hence, fuck no, I am not moving to Honolulu,” said I, internally.

In New York, I have wonderful friends, a rich cultural life and plenty of inspiration to last me a thousand years. Unfortunately, one thing was missing.

While walking down Fourteenth Street, I was met with some of Manhattan’s most handsome men. Unfortunately for me, I was met with their head turn, whenever potential eye contact would potentially arise. This had left me a bit disappointed. “Gee, is my future husband hiding under a rock?” asked I.

“More than likely, he is. That’s it. He’s under a rock,” declared I. While almost shedding a tear at my lack of male attention, I bravely smiled again. “Oh yes, tomorrow is a big day,” said I.

The next morning, anxiety levels rose. “Shit, I have to pack. I have to pack,” said I. That afternoon, I was on a flight to California to visit my father.  Sweat dripped, even as chilly winds blew from my window unit. I ran out of my apartment and hailed a cab. Goodbye, Seventh Avenue, hello, California for the next few days.

I made my flight on time. Like any trip to California, there was a layover in an unexplored part of the world. “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Dallas,” announced the friendly flight attendant. My connecting flight arrived in Dallas, early. Soon, I made it to my gate and the people watching commenced.

I pulled out a good book. In actuality, I peered through the airport’s imposing windows, which were filled with perfectly aligned American Airlines planes. The Dallas skyline was seen from a distance. There are Men in cowboy hats out in the horizon, I declared. Rather than feeding my intellectual cravings, I took a dramatic step for gay boys, everywhere.

Damn it, I tried to avoid it, but I am going on Tinder and finding a Texan. I pulled up the phone app and started swiping (a swipe to the left means not interested, a swipe to the right means the opposite. Also, if they also swipe to the right, you’re a match).

With great excitement my phone was buzzing with matches. ” Wow, I didn’t get this many matches back home,” said I. One fellow really tickled my online dating fancy. He had a cleverly written profile and shaggy red hair. I started a simple conversation with that most thrilling word of all, hi. He responded back. Visions of us meeting, falling in love and yes, him moving to New York, (just for me) played in my head.

“Ladies and gentleman, we are now boarding our flight to Ontario,” announced, the flight attendant. Passengers eagerly lined up towards the gate. “Oh shit, what’s the point of messaging these guys, if I won’t meet them. Long distance relationships are tough, ” declared I. While boarding the plane, I wondered if cupid’s arrow would ever strike me in New York. Disappointingly, I didn’t connect with my cowboy.

The plane took off, flying past the flat lands, a maze of suburbs, and then the imposing Dallas skyline arose. Texas eventually faded with the evening fog. “Oy, what happens if I had really connected with that guy? Was he the one? Would he had really taken the next step and moved to New York? Or would he stay in Dallas? Asked I, pondering the great questions of the mighty singleton.

It made me wonder, if the true love of my life was really in New York? Or if I had to search elsewhere. After a very relaxing vacation in Palm Springs and Riverside, I returned to New York. A week later, I was wondering Alphabet City.

The neighborhood still retained some of its funky 90’s edge. I was attending a friend’s very fabulous drag queen photo exhibit. Outside, the exhibit hall, there was a sea of arty gays. They adorned their New York style with some sort of quirky edge (i.e. funky glasses and eccentric shoes).

Finally, the doors of the exhibition hall opened. I took a seat. As I waited for the show to start, my eyes locked with a handsome older guy. “Hi, he said. I politely replied, “hi, how are you? While keeping my eyes locked with him. As he took a seat, I smiled. “Why look outside New York for a guy? Finding love here may not be an impossible after all. The rock my future husband is hiding under is probably on the corner of St. Mark’s & Avenue A.

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