Love In Gotham

80’s love ballads and the supermarket dairy aisle have given the world plenty of cheesy moments. Unfortunately, going on a date rarely comes with complimentary cheddar cheese balls.

However, those magical songs from the era of leg warmers, subconsciously inspires singletons to find romance. While listening to a touching ballad, on the less than romantic concrete of 14th street, I waited for my life to turn into an 80’s love ballad.

(Surprise, surprise I was on a okcupid date) I waited patiently for my fellow to arrive, while also practicing my “I am not nervous about this date” face. He arrived in his business suit. We greeted each other. Something was missing. In the grand traditions of my dates, I suggested we go out for Chinese food.

Bravely, I indulged in an extra spicy, chili chicken as we talked. It was good conversation about the usual shit, living in New York, travel, politics and our hometown.

Something was still missing. After bonding over TUMS, we took a walk around the West Village. The neighborhood’s perfectly appointed brownstones would’ve been an ideal place for a first kiss.

Instead, we kept on walking. I walked to him the F train. We hugged and that was it. He was on perfect on paper, but something was still missing.

The next night, I took an evening walk along Central Park West. I passed a bearded fellow with an adorable puppy. We made eye contact. He looked away and stared back again. A blast of electro-shock hit my very core. The bolt of electricity was quite powerful. As I made eye contact with the ideal New York mate, I was in amazement. He crossed the street and I made my way home, without a date. The electro-shock persisted.

“That’s it,” I said to myself. “Last night’s date was missing that spark, which makes my brain explode with rainbow colored fireworks. The mystery had been solved. Instead of going back online to look for a date, I headed to Trader Joes, since I was looking for that cheesy moment in the dairy aisle.

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