Vampire Teeth

When the Tooth fairy visited my humble home, she a left a most shocking surprise. The charming baby teeth were replaced with fangs. In school, everyone called me Eddie Munster, since my smile revealed a Dracula like quality.

I was finally given braces. As a teenager, braces were the cool thing to have. The brackets were adorned with a virtual rainbow of colors. However, life with the suburban teenager’s most fashionable item came with a price.

Cashews, Snickers & Butterfinger bars were forbidden by my orthodontist. As a junk food aficionado, they fell into my favorite food groups. However, being stubborn & slightly rebellious, I would partake in such an indulgence. Every time, I ate an apple or peanut induced candy bar & didn’t break a bracket, there was a feeling of accomplishment.

However, one day, I bit into a carrot and broke my first bracket. My mom took me to the orthodontist. They replaced my bracket. However, the biting into carrot incident would produce of a domino effect. Soon, I broke bracket after bracket. My mom vented her frustration “If you break another bracket, your orthodontist is gonna charge me extra money. Knock it off. Eat yogurt or something!” She warned me while giving me the mom stare down. I yawned a bit and thought to myself “yogurt? Boring!”

A few weeks went by and I maneuvered around breaking any brackets. Eventually my will power was tested. While having dinner at my grandma’s, fresh corn on the cob was served. It looked magnificent glistening in a river of butter. While my mom was examining her cutlery checking for unspecified food particles and/or smudges, I took a corn on the cob. That first bite was simply dazzling.

Then I saw my mom shooting me daggers with her eyes. I felt something odd on my cheek. “Whoops,” a most enthusiastic bite into the corn literally bent my wire outwards toward my cheek. My relatives laughed. Mom was cringing with anger. I smartly replied, “at least I didn’t break a bracket right?”

She took me to the bathroom as we tried to get the wire back to its normal position. It worked, but the price I paid for eating corn on the cob persisted that night as the wire kept poking my cheek. Eventually, I went back to the orthodontist feeling terrified. However, we were never charged for my little mishap.

After an initial rough run with braces, something miraculous happened. I woke up one morning, smiled & didn’t look like a spawn of vampires. The fangs were gone. Three years later, the braces were a distant memory & I ate too many Butterfinger candy bars to celebrate.



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  1. Haha! I lucked out and never had to have braces, but my brother did. He was so upset when he wasn’t allowed to eat Butterfingers (his favorite candy bar)! It was interesting to me to see when I went abroad how few Asians get braces. In Taiwan, many people have TERRIBLE teeth. It’s not a priority over there, I guess… But it made me feel fortunate to come from a place that values a pretty smile…as much for the health aspect as for appearances.

    I loved your line about fangs. Hilarious!

  2. Thanks Jessica! I love the freedom of eating all the candy bars I want now. It’s something I fantasized about as a teen with braces. I really enjoy your blog as well. Can’t wait for all the upcoming entries.


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