Gaydar

“I’m sorry with a thousand excuses me’s, that guy is gay.” This is what my mom would proclaim every time her gaydar went off. My mom was conservative, but the gays just loved her. I don’t know how to explain it. She was definitely the Cher of ring wingers.

My mom fancied everything very traditional and boring. The only spice she liked in her life was Indian food. One glorious day in London, she finally experienced some edgy spice. We were off to the Prince Albert theatre for a musical. It’s on Old Compton Street in Soho, the Christopher street/Eighth Avenue of London. Shop names such as “Orgasmic Juice” and rainbow flags left her mouth wide open in shock.

She goes ” you didn’t tell me this show was in the gay part of town.” I simply replied, ” You didn’t ask mom.” She rolled her eyes and I suggested we have dinner at one of the many cafes lining the road. I don’t usually wear bright colors. That day I did. Chubby faced me got a ton of attention from blokes. While my mom squinted looking at the menu, I smiled and got my flirt on.

Unfortunately, she didn’t drink booze. The whole Soho experience became more intense. To make matters more awkward a film crew arrived. “We’re gonna be on gay TV” she proclaimed disappointingly. I smiled and was trying to find a mirror. As our long wait for food persisted, my mom actually had a blast people watching. ” I love those capris pants that guy is wearing, I want some for myself.” She thought their fashion was cool.

Afterwards, I fell asleep at the musical. However, actually seeing my straight-laced mother having a good time surrounded by the gay, priceless. The right wing Cher certainly came out of the conservative closet and enjoyed time with her gay son on that wonderful London night.

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