Cucumber Sandwiches

Long before, I lived in a walk-up, did brunch in the East Village & took the subway to work in Midtown, there was a place called suburbia. During my teen years, “Varsity Blues,” “She’s all that” & “Never been kissed” were the big films of the day. Culture was experienced through watching endless amounts of TV, everything from Dawson’s Creek to (re-runs of) the Real World: San Francisco took me away from the confines of my modest track home existence.

While Saturday nights, I’d go to Borders and spend countless hours browsing through the art, LQBT, poetry and travel section. My dad would then drive me to Starbucks, where we would talk and blast my music very loud while driving around my hometown. I spent my teenage years in Riverside, CA. Everyday, I’d daydream about living in New York, but little did I know, that charm was all around me.

Riverside could’ve fit perfectly into any John Hughes movies, whether it was Sixteen Candles or Pretty in Pink. There were the obvious signs of suburbia in my town. Teenagers would carpool from school to the local galleria. They window shopped at Nordstrom’s, ate at Hot dog on a stick and constantly talked about the world outside Riverside.

The houses were quite quaint, ranging from Victorian to Craftsman. There was the old fashioned Italian family restaurant, the Mexican diner and the gourmet sandwich shop, which welcomed everyone from the ladies who lunch & golf to the large families armed with mini-vans. In this town of strip malls and green grass, I met some of my best lifelong friends.

Growing up, an only child, I gravitated toward friends with big families. They always welcomed me as the son, they never had. My best gal pal growing was Elizabeth. She always invited me on outings with her family. The Densmores consisted of five girls. Everyone was lovely, perfectly dressed and well mannered. Going over to their house meant, that freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and watching indie films (on TV) was inevitable.

Elizabeth invited me over to her grandma’s tea party. Like many parties to come, I was the only boy. I was excited to meet Riverside’s ladies who lunch (secretly don’t we all want to be a lady, who lunches?). We arrived at her grandmother’s perfectly appointed home, which was in the upwardly mobile community of Victoria. She answered the door and welcomed us in.

I’d always been a coffee drinker, but decided to try out tea. It was delicious, actually. However, I was met with a food group, very foreign to me and quite frightful, the cucumber. For years, I couldn’t eat a cucumber. The texture didn’t agree with my palate.

Instead of passing up the beautifully presented miniature sandwich, I bravely took a bite. Since, it was thinly sliced and came with cream cheese inside, I didn’t mind much. As the tea party progressed, a sea of very glamorous women and equally glam daughters arrived.

Surprisingly, I had a couple more cucumber sandwiches. A vegetable, which scared the living daylights, became my friend. After eating half of the desserts at the tea party, I once again tried to conquer my food phobia.

Till this day, I don’t like cucumbers. It’s still the texture. I must say, thanks to the tea party, some food phobia was lost. I ate more foods, which I would typically not bravely eat.

Romantic Comedy

Like any proper Nora Ephron film (When Harry Met Sally/Sleepless in Seattle), New York evokes a spirit of wit & romance. Snow falls romantically, where 72nd meets Broadway. Jazz fills the taverns of old bars along Bleecker Street. At Katz’s, couples find love over a hot pastrami sandwich and matzo ball soup. The city is truly the most magical setting for a romantic comedy, until shit hits the fan.

Summer in New York can be described as three months of living in pea soup. Stepping out of one’s modest apartment equates instant schvitzing (sweating). The only romance involves that special feeling, when the a/c is turned on. Icy cold winds spew from a precious window unit spurring up a three-month love affair.

During the summer, I hibernate. However, one summer’s day I looked out my window and decided it was time to go out and have a date with the city. I had a fancy dinner at a pizzeria and wondered around Union Square. There were the quintessential anti-war, anti-chemical & anti-government protests. In the midst of liberal thinking, skateboarders, every weirdo and their mother, an old fashioned moment was just around the corner.

As I wondered through the opposite end of Union Square, a romantic sound filled the air. The sounds of tango echoed across the busy crossroads of downtown & Gramercy. There underneath a dimly lit arch, tango dancers danced cheek to cheek. The violin accentuated the guitar, in a perfect musical marriage.

Regardless of the heat, couples of all ages just danced. Some struggled, while others glided effortlessly against the heated pavement. It was one of those only in New York moments and would’ve been the perfect setting for a romantic comedy. Afterwards, I was in the mood to watch every romantic comedy set in New York from Moonstruck to Serendipity.

Gay Cowboys Never Get The Blues

In my junior year of high school, I hosted a senior citizen’s dance. It was for school credit and counted toward community service hours. Every Wednesday, I’d gather up with my fellow teenyboppers and come up with exciting ways to entertain the geriatrics crowd. We came up with a 50′s theme dance.

In a church hall, a bevy of old people gathered. We dressed in our most spiffy 1950′s attire. Being a certified wallflower, I didn’t want to dance. Instead, I volunteered to myself as the master of ceremony. I watched the young at heart strut their stuff to the sounds of Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper & the Platters. Nothing wooed the crowd more than the sounds of country music. Albeit, the old people got tired of swinging each other and wanted a little line dancing.

Somehow, I was talked into joining in the Yee-haw fun. At that moment, my Madonna/Brit pop/80′s new wave heartbeat did a two-step to the sounds of country music. I smiled and really enjoyed myself. The music stopped and I didn’t listen to country music for over a decade.

Years later, I re-visited line dancing. While attending Judy’s birthday party at a country themed restaurant on Long Island, I was once again reunited with the sounds of states far from my New York bubble. Judy wanted to line dance and insisted I join her on the ride.

I kept tripping over my feet, as I swayed to the sounds of Martina McBride & Shania Twain. Like my sixteen-year-old self, I refused to show that I was enjoying all the dancing. Unlike years before, I had an excuse to enjoy all the most foreign style of dancing.

There in the midst of the two stepping arrived cowboys. They were Long Island cowboys. So, I decided to line dance a little better, just in case one of the fellows was gay. I also realized how handsome a guy could look in a most delightful cowboy hat. After my country infused weekend on Long Island, I returned to the city. Little did I know cowboy boots and a whole lotta Yee-haw followed me into the pop & hip-hop infused canyons of Midtown.

After a fancy event at a rooftop in Hells Kitchen, my gal pals decided to take me to a country music gay bar, the Flaming Saddles. Like any gay bar in Hell’s Kitchen, there were a bevy of perfectly manicured gay men. However, missing were the dance tracks often heard in the gay meccas. Country music filled the dodgy walls of the gay watering hole. Nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

As I finished the last drop of Jameson, the gay cowboys started dancing on the bar. The crowds hooted and howled as the sexy bartenders did one amazing and perfectly choreographed two-step. It hit me. “This never happened at the senior citizen dance I helped organize.” I am sure if it did happen, there would’ve been more grandpas questioning their sexual orientation.

 

 

Coachella East

Coachella is a music festival not far from Palm Springs, CA. It has bands of all kinds. In April, Coachella Facebook statuses/pictures dominate my daily feed. Flying to California from New York is very expensive. In the City, we have our own special festival sans the bands. The Frieze art festival is a magical event, which happens once a year. It’s on Randall’s Island, (in between Queens & Manhattan) which has a baseball field & plenty of lush green land.

Krista invited me to go with her. We met up and rode a magical boat to the site. “This is like Coachella east,” said Krista. While giggling at her comments, I looked up and yes indeed it felt like Coachella (just from the boat ride). There were the obvious subcultures, hipsters, trendy old people & hippie types.

In the grand tradition of New York, artsy types there were plenty of folks in all black, blazers & big glasses. The boat ride provided us with spectacular views of the City. From the high rises of Sutton place to the curiosity of Roosevelt Island, the boat ride showcased the diverse landscape of the concrete jungle.

As the boat docked, tents dominated the typically remote terrain of Randall’s Island. Entering the tent was like dying and falling into a world of endless eye stimulation. Every type of art from pop to avant-garde & the obscene to traditional were well represented. As I walked from gallery to gallery, my artistic senses were alive. I felt inspired by the level of creativity, as did Krista. It really made me want to take up painting & sketching again.

After a day of feeling artsy, we gathered up in a school bus with the rest of the social outcasts and art enthusiasts. The bus dropped us off on Fifth Avenue across from the Guggenheim. It hit me. The folks, who live in glorious apartments along Fifth Avenue, traditionally collect the art scene at festivals like Frieze. The rest of us visit museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art & The New Museum for our art fix.

Penguin Feet

A Saturday afternoon party includes a proper cardigan (check), dazzling trousers (check) & vividly colored black socks (uh,wait.hold that check). While preparing my most favorite outfit for a party on the Upper East Side, something was missing, black socks. I looked in the Bermuda Triangle of socks, underneath my bed and in every nook + cranny around my room. However, I fell short. I sent the whole black sock collection to the laundry mat drop off.

Then I found a pair of black socks, but remembered, oh yeah it’s raining outside. I’ll probably have to take off my shoes at the party and these socks have taken too many glorious walks downtown this week.

Fortunately, I had a pair of white socks, which were not smelly. White socks and black dress shoes scream tacky. Anyways, I took the plunge & made my feet a shrine to tacky.

I walked out of my apartment, confidently. As I boarded the Uptown 6 train, I noticed my white socks were peaking their head out. I did what I could to hide my blunder. My feet resembled two miniature penguins. As I exited the 86th Street station, I arrived a bit early to the party. Therefore, I took a walk around Park Avenue.

In classic New York weather scenes, intense winds blew through the gilded cages of the ultra wealthy. I walked along Park Avenue, feeling very much like a prince. Then the wind kept blowing through my trousers, revealing my little secret. White socks & black shoes were the edgiest combo seen on the legendary avenue, since t-shirt & jeans wowed the blue bloods.

I made it to the party and took off my shoes. However, I was having such a lovely time with my friends that I simply forgot about my feet. Instead, I focused my energy on hogging up the karaoke machine & eating very well. From then on, I decided to invest in more socks and less cardigans (well until autumn appears again).

Thirty Something Land

A funny thing happened on the way to thirty-something land, turning 29. In lands far from where Spring meets LaFayette, being single & twenty-nine has always equated spinsterhood. That delicate condition where prince charming had not yet arrived in a white horse with a rent controlled walk up on the Upper East Side.

However, living in Manhattan, where being single is revered, life was changing too. Out were the Carrie Bradshaw(s) & Samantha Jones(s) of the world. In were the new faces of thirty-something New York. From high above Uptown to the Lower East Side, couples & baby carriages were taking over the once gritty and dangerous sidewalks. Was the city turning into a sleepy suburb without the track homes?

I pondered this question. While at the social event of the season, a spring outdoor party in TriBeCa, a new fashion accessory dominated the sea of Prada purses, the wedding ring. Nearly everyone was gorgeous, successful and yes, very married. Oh no, did I miss something (in mid-twenties land), while drinking too much wine & figuring out how to stuff a whole week’s groceries in one paper bag? While I still pondered the deep, philosophical and very first world question, Mr. Ideal arrived.

Certainly, he was straight & married, but mirrored JFK Jr. perfectly. He simply charmed me, while I wondered if he had a gay brother. If I could wake up to such a handsome man, surely married life couldn’t be that bad.

Then as we smiled at each other, it hit me. I would have to share a bed, checking account & that secret stash of jellybeans I keep hidden. Could I deal with farting in bed? Even worse, having to watch endless hours of football?

I walked out of the event thinking, “I really am the gay New York version of Bridget Jones.”  Like Bridget, I was officially in spinsterhood mode and enjoyed eating too much. Unlike Bridget, I didn’t have two men fighting over me toward the end of the movie (or in my case, the Thursday night get together).

As I walked home feeling single and ready to turn thirty, I looked around. “Oh my this is my life!” I am a New Yorker, working in my dream field & have funny and very interesting people around me. Then I thought, who needs a man to be happy?

While Tribeca faded into Chinatown, something unexpected happen. I was almost hit by a bike while crossing a (surprise) bike lane. As I was about to tell the guy ” Hey you fucking almost killed me,” I looked up. There he was blue eyed and smiling. My frown turned into a smile & I walked away. Only in New York, would, you almost get hit by a bicycle with the possibility of meeting Mr. Right at the same time.

Type A Gay

Weezer played on my iPod. My shoes were perfectly polished and I wore one of my favorite outfits. It was one of those magical Saturday mornings in New York. Saturdays are my absolute favorite day of the week. I typically brunch it up, take long walks around the East Village & breathe in the intense yet very creative New York air.

On one of those magical days, the streets were soaked from a previous rain shower. I lingered around the sidewalks, which were slightly empty. I stepped in front of a record shop with a window display filled with obscure CDs and DVDs. As I walked away from the record shop (still feelings distracted), I noticed a big bus driving uptown. From the corner of my eye, I then noticed a puddle.

I did quick math in my head. Bus + puddle = A soaked Anthony and even worse, a very damaged iPhone. The bus drove closer and I didn’t have any time to step away from the edge of the street. The bus went over the puddle and the unthinkable happened. I looked at my outfit and iPhone, “wow I didn’t end up drenched.”

I went on my merry way. As I walked toward the Lower East Side, the breezy weather turned into a humid afternoon. While walking in Chinatown, the humidity levels increased, while the tenement buildings grew closer together. At that moment, I hoped to be Carrie Bradshaw in the opening credits of Sex & the city, getting splashed by a bus. Alas, nobody splashed me.

Cherry Blossom Boy

“Oy, I am schvitzing!” said I, while walking home on a random Tuesday night. New York magically transformed itself from Antarctica sans the penguins into a sunny paradise with a Margarita or two (or three).

The heat penetrated through my buttoned up shirt. Oddly enough, there was a charm to the change in temperature. The gritty city was beaming like a ballerina on stage at Lincoln Center.

However, as the journey to my apartment commenced, it hit me. “Oh no, winter is over.” My cardigans and sweaters will go back in the closet (unlike their owner) and hibernate till late fall. Nothing quite compared to strolling the West Village & East Village in my fall/winter wardrobe. Tears flowed down my cynical cheeks.

I finally arrived in my apartment and stared out the window. The sky was simply cinematic and devoid of cotton balls. At that moment, I realized it was time to embrace change. Rather than turning on my window unit, I walked out of my apartment building and enjoyed the early evening.

I took my nightly crosstown walk to the West Village. Although the sidewalks had awoken from winter’s slumber, I still missed the cold dearly.  Then I ventured into Washington Square Park madness, which captured my attention.

There were Skateboarders, street musicians & banjos vs. drums competing for the undying attention of my eardrum. Sword fights with glow sticks turned the park into a rave meets Star Wars film set.

I sat on a park bench and celebrated the dose of massive stimuli. If heat brought about all this fun, then I would fancy more spring weather. As I wandered more, the city truly morphed itself into a giant block party.

The next day, I woke up to more enchanting blue skies. I excitedly stepped out in a light sweater, only to run back upstairs and put a pea coat on. Spring only came for a day and went back into hibernation. Winter winds would dominate the weather trends in New York for weeks to come.

A few weeks later, spring arrived again and I embraced the comeback. Cherry blossoms colored the sidewalk with impressionist inspiration. Cafe tables spilled into the sidewalks invoking a bustling cafe culture from the East Village to Hell’s Kitchen & beyond. I went back to weekend morning walks along the Hudson.

Everything Is Pink

In the West Village, the grit and grime is simply splendid. The brownstones, designer shops, diners, hidden jazz clubs, indie book shops and cobble stone streets scream old New York character. In the land of the Marc Jacobs with a soy latte, I’ve always wanted to secretly loose the cool facade and break into a smile.

While walking where Bank meets Bleecker street, my smile grew into something more. While trying to keep a straight face and listening to the world’s most depressing hipster oriented song, I thought about a very neurotic person. It made me giggle.

As I reached West 4th Street, the giggle turned into medium sized laughter. I walked past the too cool and his equally chic accessory. My giggle eventually turned into a massive attack of laughter.

I stood in the middle of the West Village, trying to control a beast of laughter. I was enjoying my laugh with such great gusto, that appearing like a fucking weirdo didn’t matter much.

In a town known for it’s intensity, humor is better than a trip to the pub. However, my adventures in the land of laughter would persist.

Krista and I had most delightful lunch at quaint European cafe in Tribeca. Afterwards, we couldn’t stop giggling. I wasn’t sure whether it was the Tiramisu or the Billy Crystal DVD collection we spotted at the discount store.

Everything was filled to the brim with humor. When we made our way toward Chelsea & the M14 (the crosstown bus), we discovered a whole comedy show on wheels. There’s always been something about the New York City bus, which attracts more characters than a Woody Allen film.

While we tried to control our laughter, the most awkward moment arose. “There ain’t no place to put my walker,” said the old lady with her “Joan Rivers-que accent. ” Excuse me miss you could have my seat,” replied a most friendly 40 something lady. ” I can’t sit in that seat, my walker will block the entrance.” I looked at Krista. We were both unsure whether to laugh or hold it in.

” Hey you, I want your seat,” the old lady approached an equally senior citizen. ” I can’t get up, I’ve got a bad hip and look at all these shopping bags I got,” said the baffled old lady. ” I don’t have a bad hip, so there,” answered our grandma with the walker. Yes, at that moment, Krista and I lost it and laughter persisted. Somehow sassy grandma didn’t notice.

We ate more sugar that day and laughed more. Eventually, we took another trip on the M14. A lady sat across from us with her precious tulip and a stern exterior. She stared at us and soon her tough coconut exterior was being cracked open. It was wonderful to have made the most jaded of bus riders smile, even for a moment.

Alphabet Soup

In super market aisles across America-land, lives a can full of words. Alphabet soup is the dream that after school specials are made of. Not only, is it a tomato broth meet pasta marriage, but a very educational way to eat and learn.

The most thrilling part about the literary soup is find interesting letters to play with. Growing up it was always a delight to spell out words with my soup. Sometimes, I would find amazing acronyms and adjectives to play with. Other times, I thoroughly enjoyed discovering unexpected nouns.

Living in New York is similar to diving into a sea of alphabet soup. There’s always an unexpected and very joyous adventure.  The sweet sounds of piano playing in the heart of Washington Square Park, serenading the jaded senses.

Strolling into a Lower East Side art gallery for free booze, only to realize my buddies just happened to be there. Then there are always the quirkier moments, i.e . naked painted people as an art exhibit all to themselves.

However, sometimes we become someone’s inspiration. Audria and I had a day of brunching and working on creative projects. After reaching our creative goals and doing a little happy dance, we decided to reward ourselves with a walk to Tompskins Square Park in Alphabet City.

While enjoying the lovely blue skies, which over naked trees & gentrified graffiti, we found Zen on a bench. While we talked, a very bohemian photographer approached Audria. ” Excuse me, could I photograph your shoes?” he asked. Audria wore a pair of distinctive leopard print ballet slippers. She gladly obliged.

Soon, we were asked both asked to be photographed. He took candid pictures of us conversing on a park bench. ” I hope I don’t come off as creepy,” he asked, looking a bit embarrassed. Being an extrovert, I told him ” no, go ahead take more pictures.” So he did. Soon Audria, her shoes and I went from muse to friends with the photographer.

We had so much fun, talking, that an older gentleman sitting next us, joined in on the conversation. He gave us a whole history of the neighborhood from which buildings were burnt down thirty years to freighting stories of a decaying New York.

As our conversation became endless, it hit me. From sitting in a park bench, we made two new fascinating friends. It all happened in a very unexpected and New York kind of way.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 304 other followers